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O meu pensamento

O meu pensamento

A natural disaster

Maio 20, 2020

Isis Erzsébeth Báthory

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They told me to cheer up and stay positive,

And try, I did, not succesfully though...

I tried to hold on to the strong and happy mask,

However it was getting ever more hard to put on the act.

My grief was contained for a while, but I couldn't contain it much longer

It was destroying my mind, and my life...

My mind was yearning for the absolute tranquility

One can ever truly find in a coffin.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone, so I sought solitude and silence,

I am not quite sure what I was hoping for...

It only confirmed and made my yearning stronger.

Can life relieve my mind? It only seems to hurt it...

But would death have repealed my tears?

Apologies can't remedy it, for neither one...

Can you forgive me? Can I forgive myself?

 

It felt like a good day to leave...

Maio 19, 2020

Isis Erzsébeth Báthory

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Hold on, for a light at the end of the road...

It was a bright sunny day, 

The sun could fill someone's heart...

Not mine though.

The world had fallen apart earlier within the year,

I kept trying to hold on for that light at the end of the road,

Although it kept getting ever more dim...

And as other people were out enjoying life,

I was being devoured from within...

My little demons and ghosts had been whispering 

in my ears for a while now, and so I checked out...

As I started to sink and finally get some peace,

Out of nowhere, someone yelled: "you can never leave here",

I was being selfish, but weren't they being selfish too?

It felt like a good day to leave, for a second I felt peace amongst the chaos,

But they shoved me back into my seat, 

For another ride in the tower of terror...

 

Quick fix

Fevereiro 08, 2020

Isis Erzsébeth Báthory

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The darkness within channelling

My own pathetic end.

Sympathetic words you had for me,

I wished you'd saved them, 

Only needed the warmth and safety of your arms.

I walked for miles and found myself standing by your door,

Trying to find a quick fix for the excruciation.

Shattered dreams of happiness

The wild river runs in its full strength as I lay 

Trying to die, with part of me hoping for you to show up,

Hold me tight in your arms, don't say anything, just hold me tight.

But you never showed up

The river came and with it I vanished.

Two lost planets

Novembro 04, 2019

Isis Erzsébeth Báthory

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(Pic was found on google)

How I didn't need you.

My cold heart was locked inside a box,

Buried deep within some old forgotten grave.

Deep in what was once my soul, 

Surrounded by nothing but absolute empty silence.

You came along with your own misery 

And barely healed wounds from some distant war.

We bonded through our dear friend Mandy on Kelly's day

And on a confusing trip we went.

Although fickle I could see you were, 

I searched for the hole 

In your own cold heart, secretly hoping to fix it

And we're here because of our actions

But I was still looking for the hole

Not realizing I was going in the wrong direction

You refused to let me in

What was wrong? Will you ever tell me?

Should I let you go? Will I make you happier?

I am trying so hard to hold the tears in

I want to keep on this mask of the brave and strong woman

Who am I really trying to fool? I am really but a scared child.

Was time wrong?

But if so, why lead me on?

Only to then abandon me in the middle of this tripping maze

 

 

 

 

 

 

Red velvet and stiletto heels

Setembro 10, 2019

Isis Erzsébeth Báthory

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You feel the ecstasy as you watch me 

Lick my sour apple lollipop 

Return the kindness by having a slice 

of my homemade red velvet.

Get down on all fours and get real high with me

and please me real well.

Far from each other

Fevereiro 08, 2019

Isis Erzsébeth Báthory

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We've waited months for this
You were so excited you got sick for it
I wish I had found some obtuse excuse not to make it
We didn't think this day would end
I hoped we'd want to see the stars 
Sprawled across the universe
As we'd get to know each other
But you much rather preferred an orange project
You wanted casual nudity
Popping some champagne with Molly
I'd give you my love
And let you float in me
Neither of us thought tonight could ever be so far from us
Just try to see me in the dark
Feel the fear before you come by
I really wanted this to work
But I had my faith
And so you pulled out
As you grow silent I hold my breath 
If only you were sure it was safe and sound
Rather than a long long wait
And far away from each other we went

Vida adulta

Maio 11, 2018

Isis Erzsébeth Báthory

O que é ser adulta? Uma pergunta que paira na minha mente desde que tenho memórias, decidi usar esta coisa maravilhosa que é o Google para ver o significado:

"

  • que ou o que atingiu o máximo do seu crescimento e a plenitude das suas funções biológicas.
    "homem, animal, planta a."
     

A resposta parece simples, no entanto a mim pessoalmente não me diz grande coisa. Quando era mais jovem, especialmente durante a minha "adolescência" (e as famosas crises e dilemas tão típicas desta fase) passava a vida a ouvir as pessoas "tão crescidas" dizerem-me "quando fores adulta vais compreender" e/ou "quando cresceres vais entender as coisas de forma diferente", e mais umas quantas frases super cliché, isto na altura deixava-me com a impressão que quando me tornasse adulta ia receber uma espécie de revelação incrivél e que seria transformada para o resto da minha vida...Yeah right

Hoje com 25anos, a vida supostamente feita (segundo os objectivos ideais das pessoas crescidas que me deram vida e educação), ainda não obtive a tal revelação incrivél. Portanto chego a duas possíveis conclusões a primeira sendo ela que deram-me todos uma grande tanga e que aquela conversa da treta era só para intimidar. A segunda opção é de que estavam sob efeito de alguma ilusão deprimente.

Hoje em dia continuo a ter as mesmas crises existênciais que tinha aos 13 anos (talvez mais), e também passei a ter novas crises. Continuo sem perceber as pessoas crescidas da minha vida (familia nuclear) e a insistência das mesmas em quererem (na altura) impôr-me os seus julgamentos baseados em "ouvi dizer que" e opiniões alheias, insistência em quererem moldar-me em algo que não era, nem sou! Na altura diziam-me que tudo aquilo era para meu bem, no entanto não resultou, diria mesmo que o deu no resultado contrário.

A unica coisa que pude confirmar é que os adultos conseguem ser mais criancinhas e fazer mais birrinhas do que uma criança de 5 anos. As pessoas crescidas são más, julgam e condenam o próximo pelo que faz e pelo que não faz, oferecem um sorriso na cara e uma facada nas costas, são hipócritas e miseráveis.

Ser adulta é sinceramente uma decepção...

About Isis

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