What a miracle it was to get a bedroom at DP,

After surviving the ultimate sin.

At DP they filled me with hopes that I could still live and be happy,

but then they threw me out onto the cold streets.

Don't worrt though, I still have my plan F.

I am only here because I needed to be run over once more.

I can't feel a thing, so I'll jump down into the deep down darkness.

This time there will be no lover to save me because I killed him 

the first time I tried to jump.

They told me to cheer up and stay positive,

And try, I did, not succesfully though...

I tried to hold on to the strong and happy mask,

However it was getting ever more hard to put on the act.

My grief was contained for a while, but I couldn't contain it much longer

It was destroying my mind, and my life...

My mind was yearning for the absolute tranquility

One can ever truly find in a coffin.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone, so I sought solitude and silence,

I am not quite sure what I was hoping for...

It only confirmed and made my yearning stronger.

Can life relieve my mind? It only seems to hurt it...

But would death have repealed my tears?

Apologies can't remedy it, for neither one...

Can you forgive me? Can I forgive myself?

Hold on, for a light at the end of the road...

It was a bright sunny day, 

The sun could fill someone's heart...

Not mine though.

The world had fallen apart earlier within the year,

I kept trying to hold on for that light at the end of the road,

Although it kept getting ever more dim...

And as other people were out enjoying life,

I was being devoured from within...

My little demons and ghosts had been whispering 

in my ears for a while now, and so I checked out...

As I started to sink and finally get some peace,

Out of nowhere, someone yelled: "you can never leave here",

I was being selfish, but weren't they being selfish too?

It felt like a good day to leave, for a second I felt peace amongst the chaos,

But they shoved me back into my seat, 

For another ride in the tower of terror...

Once upon a wasted soul

There was a girl, there were chains

Then there was a darkness

It burned like fire

Hello my darling love,

Please celebrate, you'll be better off this way.

The little girl was ready to go, she'd fought long enough.

The sky fell down on her,

The darkness burned her,

There was a fire and then, then there was nothing.

The darkness within channelling

My own pathetic end.

Sympathetic words you had for me,

I wished you'd saved them, 

Only needed the warmth and safety of your arms.

I walked for miles and found myself standing by your door,

Trying to find a quick fix for the excruciation.

Shattered dreams of happiness

The wild river runs in its full strength as I lay 

Trying to die, with part of me hoping for you to show up,

Hold me tight in your arms, don't say anything, just hold me tight.

But you never showed up

The river came and with it I vanished.

We are only here for a split of a second

Visions of a platonic love.

Defined by the tune of his life we were

I couldn't say no to the river running within his eyes

I know I should have run, yet I stayed besides him

At intervals he was loving and we were alone in the world, just us.

And then we weren't, and silent agony would set in

a giant icy wall in between us, that could grow taller than highest 

Mountain on Earth

Along with that came the feeling of absolute emptiness and

Magnfying agony.

For how long can I keep on pretending to be strong?

I don't know how to explain, but yes,

I am falling down...

Happy birthday to us!

(Pic was found on google)

How I didn't need you.

My cold heart was locked inside a box,

Buried deep within some old forgotten grave.

Deep in what was once my soul, 

Surrounded by nothing but absolute empty silence.

You came along with your own misery 

And barely healed wounds from some distant war.

We bonded through our dear friend Mandy on Kelly's day

And on a confusing trip we went.

Although fickle I could see you were, 

I searched for the hole 

In your own cold heart, secretly hoping to fix it

And we're here because of our actions

But I was still looking for the hole

Not realizing I was going in the wrong direction

You refused to let me in

What was wrong? Will you ever tell me?

Should I let you go? Will I make you happier?

I am trying so hard to hold the tears in

I want to keep on this mask of the brave and strong woman

Who am I really trying to fool? I am really but a scared child.

Was time wrong?

But if so, why lead me on?

Only to then abandon me in the middle of this tripping maze

...

You feel the ecstasy as you watch me 

Lick my sour apple lollipop 

Return the kindness by having a slice 

of my homemade red velvet.

Get down on all fours and get real high with me

and please me real well.