Happy anniversary to this not-so-active blog.

Blue devils have been strongly tormenting me again for some time now.

Tonight they seem to have elevated their technique.

The frost is covering my mind palace even though it is sunny outside.

Perhaps ironically, the serpent saved me. At least until thus far. However, I am not sure he can save me again.

In fact, I am not sure anyone can. I should do it, although, I happen to be exhausted.

I do wonder what will happen the morning after death creeps in, sadly, I'll never know.

Still going.

Some days might be a bit more challenging than others, but still going.

(Snee Naik - The Strangled Man)

The night came together with a cold wind

As he lay in in his bathtub 

A sudden noise came in

Before he'd gotten a chance her claws 

Were digging in on his neck

Shhh, don't waste your strenght

The demon was in her

She strangled him shadows

She wanted to taste his last kiss

Lovers love, but the insane love intensely

He played her, she carried out his sentence

She got under his skin

She loved him, she hated him

He loved her, he hurt her

She dig through with her claws

He quietly expired

What a miracle it was to get a bedroom at DP,

After surviving the ultimate sin.

At DP they filled me with hopes that I could still live and be happy,

but then they threw me out onto the cold streets.

Don't worrt though, I still have my plan F.

I am only here because I needed to be run over once more.

I can't feel a thing, so I'll jump down into the deep down darkness.

This time there will be no lover to save me because I killed him 

the first time I tried to jump.

They told me to cheer up and stay positive,

And try, I did, not succesfully though...

I tried to hold on to the strong and happy mask,

However it was getting ever more hard to put on the act.

My grief was contained for a while, but I couldn't contain it much longer

It was destroying my mind, and my life...

My mind was yearning for the absolute tranquility

One can ever truly find in a coffin.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone, so I sought solitude and silence,

I am not quite sure what I was hoping for...

It only confirmed and made my yearning stronger.

Can life relieve my mind? It only seems to hurt it...

But would death have repealed my tears?

Apologies can't remedy it, for neither one...

Can you forgive me? Can I forgive myself?

Hold on, for a light at the end of the road...

It was a bright sunny day, 

The sun could fill someone's heart...

Not mine though.

The world had fallen apart earlier within the year,

I kept trying to hold on for that light at the end of the road,

Although it kept getting ever more dim...

And as other people were out enjoying life,

I was being devoured from within...

My little demons and ghosts had been whispering 

in my ears for a while now, and so I checked out...

As I started to sink and finally get some peace,

Out of nowhere, someone yelled: "you can never leave here",

I was being selfish, but weren't they being selfish too?

It felt like a good day to leave, for a second I felt peace amongst the chaos,

But they shoved me back into my seat, 

For another ride in the tower of terror...

Once upon a wasted soul

There was a girl, there were chains

Then there was a darkness

It burned like fire

Hello my darling love,

Please celebrate, you'll be better off this way.

The little girl was ready to go, she'd fought long enough.

The sky fell down on her,

The darkness burned her,

There was a fire and then, then there was nothing.

The darkness within channelling

My own pathetic end.

Sympathetic words you had for me,

I wished you'd saved them, 

Only needed the warmth and safety of your arms.

I walked for miles and found myself standing by your door,

Trying to find a quick fix for the excruciation.

Shattered dreams of happiness

The wild river runs in its full strength as I lay 

Trying to die, with part of me hoping for you to show up,

Hold me tight in your arms, don't say anything, just hold me tight.

But you never showed up

The river came and with it I vanished.

We are only here for a split of a second

Visions of a platonic love.

Defined by the tune of his life we were

I couldn't say no to the river running within his eyes

I know I should have run, yet I stayed besides him

At intervals he was loving and we were alone in the world, just us.

And then we weren't, and silent agony would set in

a giant icy wall in between us, that could grow taller than highest 

Mountain on Earth

Along with that came the feeling of absolute emptiness and

Magnfying agony.

For how long can I keep on pretending to be strong?

I don't know how to explain, but yes,

I am falling down...